#i was never formallu diagnosed with an ed but for a while in high school i would eat and force myself to throw up until my eyes were blurry
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
Visit Tumblr Blog
Explore Tumblr blogs with no restrictions, modern design and the best experience.
Last Seen Tumblr Blogs
Fun Fact
In 2020, Tumblr had 29.4 million users in the US.
Text
.
#rambling in the tags#tw: ed#i was never formallu diagnosed with an ed but for a while in high school i would eat and force myself to throw up until my eyes were blurry#i would do that at first only when my stomach felt heavy then i did jt after every meal even if it was the only meal i had that day#for a while a was eating maybe once a day and i felt a mixture of pride and shame i was 110 lbs at my lowest#i was obsessed with seeing my colar bones starting poke out i loved it seeing the number drop made me happy#i also felt guilty bc i knew it wasn’t healthy what i was doing and forcing myself to vomit made me feel distugest abt myself#honestly even at a jean size four i hated myself so much still i hated my body and still saw myself 30 lbs heavier#tbh i can’t remember how i broke the cycle well just the purging i would binge eat and feel out of control and hate myself for days after#i avoided the scale and the mirror i knew i started gaining the weight back#my mindset was still not good tbh it still isnt the best sometimes i still make myself vomit or try and monitor my food#i was never really a calorie counter tho if i really hated myself thay day i would look at th*nspo and hate myself even more#i could have been that thin if i didn’t fuck myself over and stop purging sometimes i wish i could go back and tell my younger self#to keep loosing weight get to 100 then 90 and if you die at least you’re thin bc i didn’t care if i died#i lost ten pounds this month bc my med has fucked with my appetite and i don’t hate it#i’m reminded of the joy i felt when the number on the scale went down and i’m noticing how my cloths are looser#at least this time i see myself actually loosing the weight and my brain isn’t dicking my over#unfortunately my body’s starting to adjust and my appetite’s back#i want to ignore it though and fall back into old habits and watch the scale go down#i’m so close to hitting the 20s if i keep it up maybe i’ll get back to 110#i know its not healthy but i’m so tempted to do it#i miss my colar bones#at the very least i don’t want to gain the weight back#i know there is a healthy way to do this but old self destructive habits die hard#i’m seeing my psychartrist tuesday i’ll be fine tbh i didn’t think it would trigger this#part of me wants to see if i can get down to 100 lbs i’m leaving for college and will be on my own#no one will know god its so tempting but i know i shouldn’t bc i’ll never actually be happy with myself#i know i need to keep my mental state healthy and shit#tbh i’m embarrassed to bring this up to my pyschartrist i’m relucant to say i have/had and ed bc like not severly underweight#i also knew what i was doing and made my choice i guess i could say at risk for an ed but at this juncture i don’t even look thin enough
4 notes
·
View notes